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Behind the 8Ball

Well, truth be told, I have not been keeping up with this website in the manner I am supposed to. Since this is supposed to be a place where we are going to track our progress with our 20% Projects, we are to log each week where we are with certain elements of the project. My idea for this project was to write a book/journal/something informative about what it is like to be a Christian with a mental illness. I love writing and I love Jesus, so why not incorporate the two? With that being said, I believe I have done a poor job of keeping up with this and making sure that it gets done the way in which I would like. (hence why I haven’t updated this website in almost four weeks).


Writing comes naturally for me. It is not something I have to force or pull from some far away place. Never in my life do I feel like writing about my feelings and emotions is a difficult task. Unfortunately, I have found out that it does happen and struggling with the ability to put my emotions into words is becoming even more difficult. The reason I believe it so difficult at this very moment is because I am in deep fear of rekindling emotions I never want to feel again. But that is the beauty of writing. Just because I am putting it onto the paper (or really typing it on to the page) does not mean that it is what I am feeling at that very moment. The goal in my journey and through this project is really just to tell my story — not to create a fantasy that will not come true,


Perhaps I am thinking too deeply about this, and it isn’t all as intimidating as I believe it to be. I do not have a fear of writing, nor do I have a fear of this project. My fear is not being able to accomplish this large goal I have in my mind. I believe that this is just one little blip on the screen that I have to power through to finish the movie. The Lord does not put us in positions where we will fall without being held tight. I know that the idea of writing is not as scary as it sounds. To the average person, it is just a mind numbing task. But to me, writing is my escape and I have to be weary of that which I am choosing to escape to.


All in all, I have began writing. I know what I want to say and how I want to say it. I know that facing my fears is just a part of the climb. Luckily, I have many people rooting for me, and while to you (the person reading this) writing maybe does not frighten you, it is terrifying me at this very second. My plan is to face this fear in front of me with the entire armor on me because if I don’t face it, who knows what could happen. In His wings I will find refuge.


- Emma

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